A vote for the “Strenuous Life”

“The game is to have them all running around with fire extinguishers whenever there’s a flood; and all crowding to that side of the boat which is already nearly gone under.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

This blog will feature three stories, and a conclusion, that intuitively to me seem to relate to the starting quote from C.S. Lewis.

Story One: If you ask what my biggest regret is, my answer would be two-fold.  First, that I don’t let my life get bogged down in regrets, but that second, I can think of an incident that I regret what I did, and would choose to do differently.

It goes back to my daughter’s preschool days. At the church we were attending children had Sunday School class during worship service until they were kindergarten age, and then were expected to attend worship.  Our daughter, however, had to start attending a year early, while still in preschool.

Why,? Because she was autistic, and they didn’t have support for her during both worship and the regular Sunday School hour. Nothing wrong with that.  We took her into service , sat her in the front of the back seating section where she had a clear view of the screen.  Since she could already read, she sang the songs, read the scriptures, even filled out the note-taking sheet in the weekly bulletin.

But the senior pastor decided somewhere that she was making too much noise and disturbing his sermon. So he instructed the ushers to move us to the back of the sanctuary each week. When they asked us to move, we cooperated, but the seats they gave us did not have a view of the screen. Our daughter could no longer read, sing, follow the sermon notes.

So instead of making less noise, she made more. Eventually we ended up out in the foyer, watching the monitors for the service while our daughter ignored it all.

Today we attend a smaller, neighborhood church.  Our daughter enjoys Sunday School, youth group, and sits and draws during worship. She doesn’t participate. That pastor taught my daughter a lesson she still knows to this day — that worship isn’t for her.

My regret is not being stubborn. Not forcing the ushers to make us move. Not making a scene. I should have said no, instead of going along for the sake of everyone else.

Second story:  My two siblings and I rode the public bus to our private school. State law required our school district to provide us transportation, but they did it on the bus for special ed “behavioral” kids who were being transported, like us, from our district to the neighboring district where their school and our school was.

On said bus was a boy, David, a year older than I, who made himself out to be the big punk, bully, ruffian. Kept on getting in our faces over things.  Finally one day he picked a fight with me, expected the nice Christian kid to be an easy mark.

I’d never been in a fight, but I was a country boy, and while I wasn’t going to start a fight, I was certainly going to finish it. My older brother blocked anyone else from interfering, and the bus driver didn’t seem to mind the fight until she realized it was David and not I that was losing.

They called our parents when we got to school.  The school and my parents had no problem, but I think the district made my parents drive us to school for a few days under some sort of suspension.

Third story: My daughter is in AWANA at the big church mentioned earlier. An AWANA leader came up to us in a busy hallway and said   “We have an issue with your daughter and we need to solve it right now.”

To which my wife said “So what’s been going on?”

“You know” he said.

“No we don’t, that is why we are asking.” To which he replied again that we knew. We tried to ask, to get context to understand, because everything occurs over time and has to be responded to in context.

He replied.”There is no last week, three is no next week, there is only now.” Then he insisted that I “give a response and step up to the plate.”  

When he continued in this manner, and stepped in closer, I finally grabbed his lapels and said “Don’t you ignore her like that.” To which he finally stepped back, though he mentioned that what I did could be seen as assault.

The amazing thing is, after that, we had a meeting with the head AWANA commander which went very well and even a very blunt exchange with him, where we both “apologized” and got on well after this. Her AWANA experience and our improved.

And we achieved that despite the attempts of one of the assistant pastors who felt we weren’t being polite enough and kept on trying to stir the pot, until he realized there actually was reconciliation.

Conclusion: I don’t want anyone to think I am advocating violence or confrontation per se. But each of these events, revolves around confrontation, and contrary to what we are generally taught, the only one that turned out badly was the one where confrontation was avoided.

Suggestion: Perhaps we are leaning on the side of the boat voting for “less aggression” when what is really needed is more righteous confrontation and striving.

Above all, let us shrink from no strife, moral or physical, within or without the nation, provided we are certain that the strife is justified, for it is only through strife, through hard and dangerous endeavor, that we shall ultimately win the goal of true national greatness. — Teddy Roosevelt