Standing Ground

People make a mistakes with my family. They mistake our quite good-naturedness for being easy pushovers. But just because someone is easy-going doesn’t mean they don’t have a core to be watched out for.

I remember one of the most significant episodes of my elementary years — the bully on the school bus that thought I was easy pickings. He assumed I was the pacifist student from the private school. He soon learned his error. Not that I was a very good fighter, but I was more determined than the bully — who had underestimated his mark.

Then there was that one episode where I laid hands on someone during a church program for his offensive disregard of my wife. That one went through the touchy-feely pastoral staff, whose solutions were ineffective. But the man and myself resolved that one by almost rude apologies to each other that made the other guy respect me and my wife.

I learned that day that you have to match your style to someone elses for most people to understand you. He never would have understood a meek apology, but a brazen one worked.

Why do I think of these? Because I yesterday I had two separate people hit me up with rude challenges about what I was doing and why. And though my natural inclination is to be self-effacing, in both these cases I stood my ground, and pushed back. One situation I got respect of the person, the other situation I got the respect of everyone else involved.

But it wasn’t easy. It took a lot out of me both times to be blunt, just short of rude.

I don’t deal that way with people when I am the initiator. I am wondering if there are some people I need to start doing it with.

Most of the people I deal with I deal with the attitude of thankfulness for the everyday assistance I get. I find it works well, and gets me more assistance. I see way too much of people using the stick with others to get things done — it is a psychic shock to me when I see it, even when not directed at me. I also see the diminishing return they get from the stick. They act like they have never heard of the carrot.