Leaving the Garden or Despair is My Constant Companion

I am not enjoying the lesson I learned yesterday, the one I reported in my previous post. The me I have become is not one I had ever hoped to become, and I am dealing with the mental and emotional repercussions of the change.

Right about now I am contemplating what sort of formulaic spiritual response my biological brother will be coming up with to counsel me on the subject. Something, as usual, that won’t require any skin off his teeth but possibly gain him more superiority credits. Oh, I know, he doesn’t think nor see it that way — his sometimes arrogance is quite oblivious to itself. it is rather cute in its way, though it usually makes him of no help when you need help.

I have this bad reaction habit, learned in recent years through a series of gaslighting attempts against me, to become stubborn, loud and strident when someone is trying to sell me something I know isn’t true. I end up exploding at those around me, because the ones responsible usually have gotten clear of the blast zone. I thus am made to be at fault twice, once unjustly. the other justly.

This is self-defeating, because the ones at fault get off, but I don’t. Yet not exploding to date always lets the one at fault get away with slandering and tarnishing my name and reputation, until I am just as defeated. This is why Despair is My Constant Companion. As one thing after another in this life is removed by these disasters, the only thing left is the GOODNESS OF GOD. Despair is a companion, showing the vanity of life, but never diminishes the goodness of God that is always running after me. So I will continue to sing of the Goodness of God, for where else does Goodness come from?