Today I am going to write from the colloquial Einsteinian Definition of Insanity. For I just confirmed to myself that I am by that definition insane. I am insane because I will not do something also insane by that definition.
I am insane because I have this belief that if I talk to my in-laws rationally and calmly that they will actually listen to what I say and think about it without prejudging things; that logic, reason and rationality are possible with them. But that isn’t the case.
Every time they see me or think of me, they think I am a worthless, jobless bum who is imprisoning my family to support me. “Flip burgers for goodness sake!” as mom-in-law says. I just need to lift myself up by my own bootstraps (a physical impossibility — which should tell you the real truth about that common saying and what it is really meant to teach people.)
When I tell them that every time I get a job these days some weird charge or impression is leveled against me, and I end up unemployed again for nothing I did, often something done by someone else, they just expect me to repeat the same process over and over again until the result changes (definition of insanity). When the logical response is to try to figure out what I can change that will stop the recursive loop (and I have tried several things, but the loop still remains), or try something different than a job (which I have also done, only to have other odd things come up, most recently the fire that destroyed my nasceant business effort).
And as to boot-straps, the lesson there is not to keep on keeping on doing the same stupid thing over and over, but to always put in your full effort into your efforts, because it always takes help from other people to succeed, but if you aren’t trying to move no amount of help is going to get you anywhere.
I have suffered deep disappointment. I expected to find the mind and love of Christ when coming to them, looking for the good, instead I have found that they have been looking for the worst from me, and have found it, even when it isn’t there. So they have not been disappointed.
I think my in-laws are missing the point. They see us as impoverished, pressed down, desperate. But we are living in the bounty of God. Their grandson was going through his own “cycle of apostasy” as he called it, when the fire happened. Their own Pharisaical response to his cry for help to them drove him deeper toward despair and into apostasy. But now he is having the chance to see that God does provide. When family and churches kicked us to the curb, He is seeing God provide, blessing us over and over again with just what we need, exactly when we need it and no sooner. He has people everywhere, and calls exactly those He chooses to provide for us, as we continue to use what we still have (and in our poverty we are rich to give) to give to those who have need. We are in the place where God is working, and will choose to be no place else. They are outside of that place, we have invited them in to be a part of working with God, and in their own arrogance and self assurance they have rejected the call of the Spirit. We mourn deeply for them in their rejection of God’s grace, but we will not follow them into bondage.
“It is for Freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” We will not depart from His Joy.
I reject and refuse to listen to or propagate the(ir) insanity any longer.
At The Rainbow 