You don’t want me to focus

I’ve come to the conclusion that, exterior veneer aside, I am not an easy-going sort of person. I can be very focused and intense. I can also obsess. Fortunately I can usually snap out of it.  But my melancholy temperament, welded to an overwhelming positive outlook, leads to something far from Pollyanna-ish, occasionally very overwhelming and undeterrable.

And while I have an innate sense of the fallen nature and potential for evil in each of us, when my overwhelming trust in the general good intent of the people and organizations around me is shattered by some overwhelming act of stupidity and selfishness, the whiplash within my intensity can be a very dangerous and scary place for me (and oft-times the people around me). Fortunately, while staying intense, the dark moments of  my intensity are overwhelmed, in a perhaps sadder-but-wiser rebloom of my positive outlook.

I can be very intense in very positive situations, or negative. Relaxing isn’t an easy exercise for me. Relaxed for me isn’t always relaxed for those around me.

If you classify people like horses, I am a thoroughbred, high strung, not a draft horse, calm and plodding with deep strength. Which isn’t to say I don’t have deep strength. And usually draft horses, with their relaxed strength, live longer.



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