Choose to be angry

( Note: All the date references in the below post are done present tense; i.e. from the frame of when they were originally written, and not when I finally published them. This article was drafted in bits and spurts, so no date reference can be deemed to help one figure out the exact day or time of any event being referred to.)

One day this past fall I chose to be angry. I tried to concentrate my thoughts on an unfairness that had been done to me, for the whole day. I tried to demonstrate that one chooses one’s attitude. And I kept it up until about 3 p.m., one hour before the end of the work day.

Someone needed assistance, and in doing so I couldn’t help get infected by her attitude. I never realized how hard it would be for me to choose to be angry.

I spent about 10 minutes writing the above two paragraphs, and 10  minutes before deciding that I was going to write on this subject. And it took me all of that 20 minutes to even remember what item I had been so royally screwed over by certain powers that be in my life that I decided it was worth devoting an entire day of my life being angry about it.

And that was after yesterday someone brought it back up to me and rubbed my face into it along with another equally ridiculous slap down I was given over a perceived slight that was entirely incongruous to the actual intent and tone of event that occurred.

I discovered that I can be intensely angry, but holding onto it is a hard thing to do. I don’t like living there, although in certain ways it felt really good to be able to hold onto my sense of injustice and being mistreated. It also has warned me how easy it is to let someone do something to  me over and over again, my ability to forget and thus forgive by forgetfulness, along with my rare ability to actually hold a grudge.

 

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